Alright, well I'm gonna start this off with the good... because even the bad is funny to others.

NO MORE CLASSES FOR PETER!!!
that's right, I only have 4 tests, and I'm done. w00t.

alright, so yesterday I went to the library with kanani(the cute girl from nuthouse)... this was the third or fourth time I've ever gone into the library here... anyways, I did some homework, then went walking around the library, down some aisles and looking at books... this is when I realized that I'm afraid of libraries... everything is quiet... so if you make noise people look at you or judge you(weird and awkward)... the aisles also are long and skinny, which means there is no outlet if people block off both sides... also, people walk quietly in the library, about 3-4 people scared me just by walking by... including kanani... but the WORST part about when kanani scared me was when she walked by the aisle I was in, and I looked over and all I saw was her leg, which reminded me of signs and aliens... which freaked me out even more... Aliens could easily take people out in libraries... oh, and also about the aisles... they're not like full walls... you can sort of see through them, whichis freaky, when you're looking at books at eye level or near, and then a figure walks by behind the so called wall that you see in your peripheral... it's just freaky!

but the cool place about our library is something called the dewey. It's in the basement, and it's a room with movable bookshelves... everyone has a crank on it and you move it by spinning the crank, it's really cool. I like that part of the library the best.

anyways... that's it.

and yes, this is my roommate john hanus. he's the man. and this has been my background for almost a week.

and I almost forgot... one of my friends here, who happens to be alex's cousin... kylan robinson is officially 4th in the nation for rock, paper, scissors. way to go man.

CAPTION THIS!

I'm in a good mood.

hoo-ha.

time for sleep.

why is it that sometimes in our life we can deal with one thing, but at another time in our life we can't? sometimes quick comments from a friend make me laugh, but then sometimes they piss me off. What is the difference? the situation is mostly the same, just some aspects are different... maybe something bad happened that day... maybe hormones are going crazy... maybe I failed at something that day, and I want someone to be mad at to make it easier on myself... maybe a thousand other reasons...

so now that we have figured out that many factors can change a stable situation to become dramatic. how then can we figure out a way to stabilize ourselves in our everyday life so that these factors don't cause us to flip out? I dunno...

a refuge? everyone needs a refuge. mine is the rec center... the rec center, my anti-drug... haha... anyways, I've mentioned this before, so I won't linger on it. anyways, we all need a refuge. some are better than others, but we all need to get out stress, anxiety and fear.

but when it comes down to it, everyone flips out every once in a while. heck, I see people over 40 who flip out. mid life crisis. it happens.

this, much like failing responsibility and lacking confidence, this is something that we need to work on so that it happens less often... we can never overcome flipping out... we can only try to prevent it.

man, I'm tired... any thoughts? that's what comments are for!

ok, so it's 5 a.m. and I'm not very tired... screw this. this is rediculous.

anyways, so I just got done watching "closer"... if you haven't seen it, you should... I liked it, course it is one MESSED up movie. but it is good.

alright, well I don't really have anything else to write about.

OH!!! I'm done with this semester in ONE WEEK! w00t!(shut up alex)...

alright, this one doesn't involve kittens and spikes...

BIG MONEY!

beat my first try with 15154

alright, I'm done with school on the 3rd, but two weeks later is the date that matters.

THE FIRST SEASON OF SCRUBS ON DVD!!!!

so you can imagine me on may 16th... just like christmas eve.

alright, it's alex's birthday for the next 35 minutes. celebrate hard buddy. internet wasn't working earlier and canada doesn't have phones. I love you bro.

alright, it is currently 2:10 a.m. and I have a paper due in exactly 12 hours. and I am starting it in a few minutes, after this.

so what am I going to talk about? I dunno.

This last week has been sort of a weird one... I haven't really accomplished anything, I haven't really hung out with more people than usual(sort of, but not really) but I'm happy. I don't feel outcasted, lonely, or anything similar... I feel happy, good, content. which is really nice.

alright, so today I had two tests in the SAME class. one on microsoft frontpage, and one on microsoft powerpoint. individual skill assessments... but TWO in one day! I think that is kind of nutty. anyways, I didn't study for either one. considering I've never used or even SEEN frontpage, and I haven't used powerpoint in over 5 or 6 years(junior high I think was the last time I used it)... I was kinda scared going into the tests today... but once again, my genius comes out. 80% on frontpage, and a 93% on powerpoint!!! w00t w00t.

this may sounds cocky, but it is not meant to be at all. thank God he made me with smarts, otherwise I'd be screwed. yeah yeah, I know I can do so much more. I just haven't found something worth putting myself into yet.

Which brings me to my next topic. I still have NO CLUE what I am doing in college. I'm currently on track to become a business major, which means I can do anything once I graduate... but I'm looking for something else. business is cool and all, maybe I'll go into marketing, that sounds fun... maybe marketing and finance(I like numbers)... but one thing I do want to do when I graduate is move to Texas for a while. I like texas, a lot. anyone want to make the journey with me in a few years? find jobs down there, rent an apartment and live in TEXAS!?!?!? most likely dallas area.

alright, QUESTION OF THE DAY!!! What is so special to me about MAY 17TH???

CAPTION GAME!!!

Me too. here you go, you can thank me later... oh, and this game is based MOSTLY on pure luck.

if you like cats, don't click this link

later ya'll, and try to beat my high at 1858.

alright, so before the jello shots came an embarassing time.

I began my night by attending nuthouse(our improv group which I almost joined). anyways, it was free because John(my roommate, well, housemate, but that sounds kinda funny... whatever, he lives in the house)gave us comp tickets. FREE BABY! so the show was fun, John was kicking ass while wearing a headband that everyone kept ripping on because john in a headband is a funny sight. anyways, the embarassment happened afterwards... ok, some preface to this event.

In nuthouse there is this cute girl who I find attractive(not that others don't, just saying that personally, I do, holy crap you guys are horrible...) alright, so I've seen her in nuthouse shows before, but never talked to her, the shy side of peter comes out whenever I try to talk to someone I don't know that I find attractive. so anyways, like two weeks ago I sat two seats away from her in my sociology class(her, one open seat, me... just for clarification) I planned on saying hi and introducing myself and complimenting her on her performance in nuthouse during the prior weekend. but I could never find the right words, and the shy peter came out, so I never said hi. but unfortunately I told danny and dane that I sat next to her. they then proceeded to make fun of me because I was shy and didn't talk to her.

so that was all like 2-3 weeks ago. so tonight, I finally work up the nerve to say hi(I'm wearing my yankees cap and feeling pretty good about myself, I mean, why the heck shouldn't I right? exactly) so I go over and semi-awkwardly introduce myself and compliment her on her improv skills(I didn't phrase it like that, I told her good job, because this was directly after nuthouse). so anyways, after I do that, I go back over to danny and john, who ask "so, hitting on the ladies of the cast?" I say no, and that I was just telling them all a good job and introducing myself. so danny starts to laugh and proceeds to tell john about me in class ALMOST talking to kanani. kanani however knows john, and walks up right as the story finishes, and says, "my friend peter was nervous to sit by you in sociology"... she says "aw, he must think I'm cute"... me feeling about as tall as a fire hydrant(or something that resembles one) I agree that she is cute, john is walking away as this all is happening, danny is chillin enjoying the fact that this isn't him(probably because he rarely talks with women)... anyways, we exchange like one or two more lines to each other(kanani and I) and as she walks away she says "oh, I wish I could kiss her"... oh man. embarassing. oh well, shit happens.

and if you happen to be counting, yes I do have lots of crushes, thus why people call me a man slut... I talk to lots of women, yet I date a very small percentage of that group. oh well, anyways, yes I do like about 5 women... well let me rephrase that, I find like 5 women I know attractive and would like to get to know/date them.

so why don't I ask women out on dates more often? MONEY.

if I had money I would totally pay people to do idiotic things "hey, I'll give you a 100 dollars to tackle your friend here into those bushes, he'll only get 50."

but if I had less money than that, but still more money than I have now, then I would ask girls out, date people, and be more a part of that whole "dating scene" I hear so much about.

and I know what you are thinking. you don't have to spend money to have a successful date peter. ok, say that after starting a dating relationship with someone where 3 times a week you have picnics and the other four you watch movies at someone's place. it gets boring. anyways, I understand there are other things you can do for free, but you can only take a girl to the three dollar theatre and make dinner at home a certain amount of times before it becomes old and you both want to watch a new to theatre's movie.

man it is 6 a.m. goodtimes.

alright, so I was eating lunch at the bookie after leaving my accounting class early. I started reading the paper, and the "sports illustrated:on campus" was on the inside... so I look to see what is in it when I see... Sammy the Banana Slug.

UCSC's mascot. why is this relevant? MY SISTER IS A BANANA SLUG!

so I read the article, which read

"Attracting brainy hippie types, US Santa Cruz isn't exactly known for being an athletic school powerhouse. The Division 3 school, located 90 miles south of San Fransisco, doesn't even have a football team. So it's fitting that as we have lunch at Joe's Restaurant on campus, perhaps the best-named mascot in the country, Sammy the Banana Slug, is quoting Nietzsche to me. "If there is a must, then there is a can," says 21 year-old junior Farhad Ghafarzade, who dons the bright yellow, slightly phallic costume. He's talking about how he manages to perform at games, major in molecular biology and train for a triathalon on the side. And did I mention that he also converts used vegetable oil into environmentally friendly gas for his car? Not the typical profile for someone whom I will see a couple hours later grinding his athletic director during a jay-z song at the women's basketball game - but I'm enjoying the contradiction."

I loved that article. mostly because it's true. UCSC doesn't have grades, almost everyone is vegan or vegetarian, and everyone is genius there. not only that, but those genius' are the same ones going crazy in the crowd at sporting events. that makes me happy.

just as a warning, I was raisedin public schools and I am very desensitized to EVERYTHING(except being called pj, which happened today, but it was ok, she's Very attractive) anyways... maddox... funny... guy dropping 600 pounds on his chest?... funny... THIS??? wrong. but yet, I still chuckled... but it is SO WRONG...

BEWARE!!! ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!

THE SITE

don't say I didn't warn you.

oh, and check out the definition page... "Let's eat, I'm totally Schiavo"

wrong? very. funny? up to you.

ok, can you do something for me?(I'm going to assume you say yes because you are my friend and you have a free minute to do this...) this also applies to other people at SPU.

look up sarah noodlemann on stalker net and let me know her e-mail address. she's a friend from ballard who I visited over christmas break, but lost her e-mail address... thanks kara.

and sadly, no I'm not coming home this summer. sad I know.

and sarah, no, I don't really know anyone in my accounting class, which makes it harder to go to... :(

and val. hell yeah impressive. better be. hour and half of typing GENIUS! haha. somehow the sarcasm jumps off the screen.

and ryan. ginseng my friend. oh, and I'm suprised that I remembered all that also. probably because as I walk around during my day I think "maybe I should blog this..." and yesterday was all that, so I remembered it all.

alex wins the prize. I was sort of going for the "weird emo/alternative independent weird movie" theme.

and sarah, you are on my mind constantly. and always in my prayers.

and lindsay thanks for agreeing on the nuts. good alone, not in something else. much like my antithesis.

and for everyone else reading. pet my panda. that is not an innuendo, although because I don't have a panda, it could be, yet it wasn't. I was just being weird.

today was cool.

*notice: I listen to music walking EVERYWHERE. to class, out of class(whether or not it's over), to go talk to someone, across a room... EVERYWHERE.

so I woke up today at the semi-horrendous hour of noon. took a shower. listened to "got the life" by korn as the first song of the day(in the shower). went downstairs to get some breakfast... the end of my honey nut cheerios box. crap. so I carefully pour in a little over half a bowl and then my fears come true... some powder jumps out of nowhere into my bowl... CRAP! so I pull back the cheerios to look at how much powder I let in, some cheerios fall out of the bowl... double crap. good morning. so I pour in some milk, eat it and go back upstairs. turn on my computer. 100 messages in my hotmail e-mail account(I only check it once the number hits 100 and over because it comes up on messenger). which is one MORE thing I have to do today. check the blogs. check comments on mine, none. good day. sarcasm. I grab spanky and get my accounting notebook and rush out the door. I get to accouting and my prof starts lecturing. boring. this class sucks. It's so hard for me to pay attention because his lecture is dryer than death valley. nothing ever changes. it's BORING. ok. I make it through that class... most of it anyways, I leave 20 mins before the class ended because I didn't want to be there. so I go to the cub, pick up a paper, walk by ted, wearing a nametag that says todd. start talking to ted, who forgot his stuff today, so was wearing todd's uniform(he works at the cub). so I leave ted to do his work, walk into the left section(smaller) of the cub and sit down, uncomfortable(physically) and not around anyone I knew, I grab my stuff(backpack, newspaper, spanky, coke with lime). I walk into the lair(right side, bigger) see compton, sit at a random table, set my backpack on a chair to my left, open up the newspaper start reading, ted(todd for the day) walks up, we start talking, I tell him about my plan to patent something genius and make money, so I never have to have a real job. he agrees and tells me he'll make the commercial for it, seeing as how he is a psychology major, marketing minor. I crack a joke about his commercials psychologically making people buy my product. we laugh. he makes a reference to the tv across the room. I look. he laughs because what he was talking about was on a few minutes ago. I explain that maybe it had repeated so that I was watching what he was talking about(the dive catch by the mariners new centerfielder in the first inning of their game last night). I missed it. he goes back to work. I start reading the paper again and find an article on the new maktub cd, which came out today. The author bashes on them. The author doesn't know anything about maktub. he writes that they claim to be a soul group. but that their cd lacked soul and originality. but hey, if you know anything about maktub(check them out if you don't... their main singer has an amazing voice, and an amazing afro, and man that guy can move, I'm gonna go see them on the 23rd, w00t) maktub is a soul/rock/hip-hop/ anything and everything else. these guys have a style of their own, which this author doesn't understand from listening through their cd once. understandable. maybe next time the evergreen will get someone who knows about the band to critique their new cd, but I guess we can't expect much from the school paper team. I see katy outside, so I grab my backpack, cherry coke in the side pocket unopened. I listen to spanky as I haul ass through the cub, out the doors and catch katy on top of the library(which also happens to be where I saw maktub live a year and a half ago) I walk with her quickly(the pace) towards the bookie and the main bus stops for campus. she's trying to catch a bus because she is hungry... I offer my coke with lime(now it makes sense why I mentioned it earlier), she politely accepts. I keep walking with her. we decide to study econ(for her, I'm not in the class) this weekend because we both have semi busy ends of this week. I head towards the bookie to buy a jet tea(smoothie)... I see brynn in the window. I stop to chat with her for a while, making her laugh which in turn causes her to caugh kinda violently and she jokes about me killing her through laughter. we talk. she points out an add in the paper for really cheap piercings at the up all night this week(friday night, drop me a line if you want to go) I mistakenly talk about getting a navel piercing, thinking they were nipple piercings(the arrow to the body on the ad was towards the chestal area)... I make a remark about getting a bar and not rings for my nipple piercings, she points out my mistake, and they aren't doing nipple piercings. crap. 20 bucks for an eyebrow though... hmm... nah been there done that. we talk about how much money we have spent on this sort of thing on our bodies. she says over 500 dollars on piercings and almost 100 on a tattoo. I say around 250 on tattoos. I leave to go to class. I'm early. I sit and wait, along with a multitude of other people(spanky in hand and ear). the doors open 10 minutes later and I go to class. I take a boring ass survey about the internet and something to do with EM and the internet without intermediaries(ebay). I leave and go to the student health and wellness center. I walk in. talk with the nice lady at the counter, and she puts me in line to see the doctor on call(the ER doc I think)... oh, I was going to have my ankle checked out. I rolled it a week ago and the swelling still hasn't gone down. so anyways, I'm now in line, so I go take a seat in the waiting room. I sit down. I notice that there are no magazines around me anywhere. I see a JANE magazine across the room. memories of reading that magazine make me think of my sister and when I read hers and how funny they were, so I pick up my backpack and walk to the other side of the room, sit across the side table(table instead of a seat in a bench) to another guy. there are 4 women in here with me and this other guy at the moment. I pick up JANE. The nurse comes in and calls someone. one girl leaves. I open up JANE to a random page talking about craigslist and how when guys put up want ads(relationship wise) on craigslist, they rarely get answers at all, but when a woman puts one up she gets a multitude of responses. the article continued to explain how she took advantage of guys by using craigslist. such as how men offered to do chores for her without being paid or sex. they just enjoyed being told what to do by a woman. so she remarks about women now having time to put their minds on other things, like taking over the world. witty. I laugh. The nurse comes in twice more and the guy and another girl leave. two girls come into the room and sit in my original seat, I feel slight sympathy for them not having magazines, but it looked like they were together, so that sympathy slipped away, and I fell back into JANE and this author taking advantage of guys by using the internet. a nurse comes in and calls my name. I get up, grab my stuff and walk with the nurse after exchanging hellos. is it weird that they know your name, but generally you don't know theirs? I mean, these people know PERSONAL information about you, yet somehow everyone is comfortable around nurses and doctors. anyways, the nurse takes me to a room. I take off my shoe and sock and feel my feet. slightly moist. uh oh. crap. oh well, nothing I can do about that now, I was walking on them all day, what do they expect? she asks me questions, I answer them. I'm nto allergic to any medication, can we get to the good stuff yet? She then begins with my favorite part of going to the doctor. she begins to press on random places on my ankle to see if it hurts when she pushes on it. I LOVE this, I don't know why, but whenever I hurt something, to have someone else play with it and figure out where it hurts and to just play with my newfound hurtedness makes me happy. I like the pain. she leaves and the doctor is due in a few minutes. good thing I have spanky. no magazines in this hospital room. the doctor comes in, asks the same questions that the nurse did, as if maybe I'd give her a different response for some reason. then she begins to poke at my ankle. bliss. she says that she's calling in the lab technician to take some x-rays of my ankle. I put my sock back on, and my shoe, and go back into a pseudo waiting room(across from the nurses station) where I sit opposite to an attractive girl. I say hi, semi awkwardly(the situation not the way I say it, I was sitting and pulling out spanky, so semi awkward) she in a more awkward voice and way shuffles in her chair and mutters hi back. hospitals: not for picking up women. so a strike of genius hit me. I remembered that I had put some pick up lines on my ipod the night before. so I begin to look at them and decide that if any of them are usable in this situation that I would use it. no luck. so I look through the blonde and dirty jokes, along with yo mama jokes... I also take a few tv show quizzes(all on spanky). I play the music quiz game on my ipod next and get 32/35. not bad. The lab technician arrives and I get up and go with him. he takes me to the x-ray lab and begins to type on a computer for like 6-7 minutes. I sit there and joke about how daring he is for wearing purple scrubs in pullman. he jokes back. I go in and get the x-rays done. he brings them up on the monitor and approves them, then sends me back to talk to the doctor I just came from. I go back, but I have to pee. crap. I see a bathroom and go into it. start going and notice that I didn't lock the door. so I'm watching the door, which is obviously out of reach to make sure no one is coming in. I then look back to notice there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on the floor. good thing I have good aim while distracted. otherwise there would be a situation. but nothing happened. I wash my hands and leave. The doctor brings me to a room where they have a dell dimension 8300 and dual 19" flat panel monitors. she make small talk, and I joke back. she opens up my x-rays and no fractures. w00t. or as I commonly write to ryan W))T. I leave there to notice that it's raining. crap. my house is FAR away. I go over to gannon/goldsworthy and hang out with tyler, say hi to steve(working on homework like mad)... tyler was kinda busy so I went up to elyse and gretchen's room which happens to be on the 6th(top) floor. so I slowly walk up the stairs, but still end up getting a workout. friggin stairs. oh, and this is one freaky stairwell. I get to the top, and go into their room(after knocking and being let into a couple of doors). you know. safety. I sit in the chair called the nook. very nice place to sit in their room, we talk for a while about everything. I get really hungry and decide to leave. btw, gretchen and elyse are awesome. anyways, I go back down to tyler's room and he's watching "without a paddle" which intrigues me, so I watch for a few minutes, then decide to go home to eat. so I take off, it happens to still be raining. oh well, you win some you lose some. I get home, see danny on the couch and we head to quizno's. I get the usual, large size. paid with a 5 dollar off coupon(from collecting stamps) so my meal was cheap. danny does the same, but ordered a regular something or other which ended up costing 54 cents. awesome. we go home, turn on the laugh pack and eat our food. SO good. I play dane some ping pong, then come upstairs to talk with a few people online and check the facebook and such. Idol comes on and I go downstairs. during a commercial john and I begin a ping pong game... we finish it eventhough the sow came back on. I won. I go upstairs to watch scrubs. I love this show. zach braff is my hero, and may 17th is when the first season comes out on dvd. I'm gonna have to get it, by any means possible. I watch both episodes of it(one new, one old, other order though)... then I walk to the rec center where I first go and check my weight... 178. w00t, higher than I thought it would be. I work out, with no running(badly sprained ankle). I finish a while early to go visit jessica and laura. both of which have boyfriends now. which is fun because they are awesome ladies. so I ring thier doorbell peter style so the independent ding and dong are separated by a few seconds. jessica is on the phone and laura is just getting out of the bath. I turn on maroon 5. laura comes out of the bathroom, changes and offers me some brownies. me being a sucker for beautiful women and chocolate, accept the offer. she scoops up some brownie for her and I, then tops it off with some french vanilla ice cream. a glass of milk is at hand also. We begin to eat this delicious dessert, WAIT it has nuts in it! but these nuts actually tasted really good and were a good intermediary between the brownie and ice cream. I usually don't like nuts in food. but laura somehow got my tastebuds to agree with her on this subject. this was PERFECT for me at the moment. maroon 5 still playing. me singing and laura too, jessica still on the phone. Jessica joins us for some conversation in their living room, designed by brandon. maroon 5 still playing we have gaps in the conversation wehre we are all singing along. very clever those maroon 5 genius'. we talk. laura has stuff to do. jessica has to go to bed. and I head home. spanky still at my side. we walk home(spanky and I). I get home and go borrow "grease" from brandon, watch it... enjoy it I should say... I like that movie, except for the "beauty school drop-out" song... I unclogged the upstairs toilet while that song was on. I go back upstairs and begin talking online. erica isn't tired and it's like 2:30 a.m. so I suggest daylight donuts. she comes over, her danny and I go to moscow(me driving for some reason, oh yeah. she didn't want to)... we get there, get some donuts seconds before they bring out the fresh ones. crap. we enjoy our donuts and play a few games of speed. I think erica was the winner. anyways, we come back home and I begin writing this. an hour and a half later, I'm here writing now. I've been listening to music the ENTIRE time I've been writing. mostly hootie and the blowfish. they rock... I have fallen in love with a lot of their music. I have something like 5 or 6 albums of theirs. I listen to it straight through. quality music. especially "what do you want from me now" and "only wanna be with you". gnite everyone, time for me to go play WoW before my tee-time at 8-9 in the morn. tee-time in when I'm gonna go to bed... something I came up with tonight. anyways, take a nap, then wake up and go to sociology, then cub, then music, then bowling(which should be fun with my ankle)... then hopefully a movie. either "without a paddle" or "closer"... apparently natalie portman blows your mind in that movie, so I have to see it. later yall. If you are still reading this congrats. leave a comment. oh and today was an awesome day for me. I loved it. somewhat because I started off on a good note. korn. and continued it well, doctors, zach braff and donal faison, rec. and ended it well with donuts, hootie and writing this.

I dunno, another weird title.

I'm kind of reluctant on finishing my application to penguin plumbing and electric because that means that I am for sure staying here this summer. which means that I for the first time in my life, I won't be going home for summer. WEIRD. but I guess everyone has to go through this, so I'm trying to make the best of it... get a good job, have fun and live. LIVE... WEIRD...

some of you may know this, but I am the youngest child in my family(or as some people like to call it... the baby. Living life is scary... I have to take care of myself and I'm on my own. I don't like being on my own. I never have.

I strive on being around others and being social... working, being productive, making money, taking care of business doesn't help me and being social. but, life is life. I'm growing up, and becoming more and more resposible, but I'm still trying to be the kid inside. I'll find a good medium. and sooner or later I will find someone to trek along this journey with me, and we can help each other through it all, and that will be sweet.

God knows what is up. he knows who that person is, he'll tell me when I need to know. he also knows what I need to do to succeed in life, and he'll lead me in that direction, all I have to do is listen to him and not be too stubborn in my own thoughts and wishes for what my life will be.

I don't know why that came to mind, but it did.

Is our culture teaching people to be insecure? to be afraid of making decisions?

Hell, what about me? I'm halfway through college and I have no clue what I want to do, or what I want to major in... am I a failure? I don't think so.

YOU don't have to know exactly what you're going to do in life. People make mistakes all the time. People eat at bad restaurants, people say things wrong, people aren't perfect, and we're not supposed to be. Shit happens, and hell, if no mistakes happens, there wouldn't be very many entertaining stories out there.

People expecting perfection from others and people being taught that mistakes are bad, tears away at the confidence of everyone.

What are some possible reasons that people lack confidence?

Being critical of self
Noticing problems in yourself and beating yourself up for it. Everyone does this.
Unsure of the outcome
Not knowing what the future brings. making decisions always leads to something else, and if you don't know what it is, then that can eat you up. There is no certainty in the unknown. How can you be confident in something you don't know? You can't, but you can be confident in yourself and that if something ends up wrong, it can be solved.
Afraid of messing up
Society teaches that making mistakes is wrong. take grades for example. If you fail a test, or even worse, a class, then the world is over. wrong. While it is true that failing a test is not good, shit happens, everyone has to deal with failure because hey! no one is perfect. learn from your mistakes and try to improve.
Noticing People that are better than you
There will alwas be someone that you can compare yourself to to make you seem like a horrible person, but you can also find someone to compare yourself to that makes you look awesome. The thing is that we aren't supposed to compare ourselves to other people because we cant see both sides completely. Also noone else is in the exact situation you are, while others can be in similar stuations, no one is you. Thus, giving you no room to judge because they aren't in your situation
Loneliness
Everyone needs friends. Everyone needs to have people around them that they get along with, that make them happy, and that they can relate to. People need support. Doubt gets the best of people, and without people or friends around to support them, they lose confidence.

I've noticed that more and more people dislike making decisions(I've blogged about this before, a few times I think) however small and insignificant people still hate making decisions. Take for example something to do. "Hey, what do you want to do tonight?"... "no clue"... this may be due to not knowing what to do, or it may be because they are afriad that if they say something, someone will not like their idea, or maybe they'll do it and it will turn out horribly. But yet they don't do anything because most people lack the confidence to make decisions that really don't matter. Did that make sense? let me try again...
going out to eat. People hate deciding where to eat because it might turn out badly or maybe the other person doesn't prefer that type of food, but hey, shit happens. you will have bad meals in your life(unless you're in Paris, it's friggin impossible to find a bad meal there). Don't sweat the small stuff, because it doesn't really matter that much.

Now responsibility goes hand in hand with confidence.

In college people are given more responsibility than they've ever had. They have to make life, relationship, job and money decisions... but most people don't know what to do with all of it, so tey lose confidence in themselves for not knowing. People usually go to friends for help to get added input to help make a decision. What people often don't realize is that they're putting too much pressure on themselves, which adds stress and takes away confidence.

Life will never be perfect no matter how well you handle everything in your life.

Tests. say you fail a test because you didn't study enough. take responsibility that you didn't study enough and learn from it, make decisions to study more, and have confidence that you will do better with your new found knowledge. if you fail again, learn from it and move on. Or maybe you drank too much and have a hangover the next day. Take responsibility for your actions and learn from it.

is this making sense? don't take everything too seriously. course, some things need to be taken seriously, but what those are is up to you. also look at the other side of the spectrum and don't be apathetic. apathy is horrible.

I'm tired... let me know your thoughts and leave me a comment on all of this, if you made it through. Life is what you make of it... your life is in your hands, you make your decisions for yourself, no one will make them for you, take responsibility for the actions and decisions you do make.

I stole this from a friend of mine. robbie, you rock. I don't know if you even read this, but if you do, you rock, and your valentine's day card was the best!

Hey kids!

Looking for something to do while you take a break from your studies?
Feel like finals are just around the corner, and want to get away a little?
Then fill out this COUNTDOWN survey!

TEN random things about me
1. I sweat only in my right arpit(unless active)
2. I can do the worm
3. my birthmark is on my butt
4. I hate most vegetables
5. aliens scare me more than anything else
6. I've never been good friends with another peter
7. I new a guy named soren ericson, then changed schools and met eric sorenson.
8. I was deaf from 1-2
9. my favorite country in the world is puerto rico, my favorite city is new york and my favorite city I've been is Paris
10. I just started putting my wallet in my back pocket THIS year.
NINE ways to win my heart
1. taco bell
2. hit on me
3. be hott
4. don't make me impress you, make me want to
5. be able to hold a serious conversation
6. be able to be crazy
7. not afraid to ask me to do something
8. act cute, but not all the time
9. love your family
EIGHT things I want to do before I die
1. drive over 200 mph
2. skydive
3. have a career
4. start a family
5. buy a car in cash(hopefully new)
6. jetski
7. snowmobile
8. to not drink pop for a year
SEVEN things I believe in
1. My faith
2. my family
3. my friends
4. my athletic ability
5. my smarts
6. making your own choices
7. being responsible for your actions
SIX things that get me mad (or annoyed/paranoid/frustrated)
1. calling me PJ... NEVER DO IT!
2. not believing me when I say something true, and then reinforce that it is true
3. aliens
4. studying
5. lonliness
6. people not willing to listen to other people's views(ignorance in other words, haha)
FIVE things I'm afraid of
1. aliens
2. midgets
3. being fat
4. being single for the rest of my life
5. becoming paraplegic/blind/deaf/quadraplegic
FOUR of my favorite items in my room
1. my green sound sensitive light
2. my deodorant
3. my bed
4. my computer
THREE things I do every day
1. brush my teeth
2. drink pop
3. sing
TWO things I need to do right now
1. write a serious update
2. drink something other than pop or chocolate milk
ONE person I want to see right now
1. Sarah, my sister

so there you go. answer if you wish, comment on my answers if you wish. do what you want.

birthmarks are fun... do you have one? I've always thought it was weird for people to have them... but then some people DON'T!!! and I didn't think I had one for a LONG time... but then I found it. mine is on my butt... I swear. it is. do you have one? where is it?

Tyler, a good friend of mine, gave me an awesome present yesterday. He made me as a southpark character.




So there I am in all of my kickassedness.

what? YOU want to do this too? alright fine, here's the link.
SOUTHPARK

alright, sometimes in life procrastination sucks. take for example taxes. I just finished mine last night. w00t. but other people I know have already gotten their checks back, which means, I could have my 60 dollars now!!!! haha, I know what you're thinking... 60 dollars... YEAH! that's all that was withheld. w00t w00t.

is that sad? just maybe. maybe what is more sad is that this is the first time I've had to do taxes since I was 16.

Alright, so last night I took a bath. now I know what you're thinking... kinda feminine ... not if you do it the manly way.

1) Absolutely NO bubbles. bubbles are way too comfy and cute for a manly bath. unless you plan on putting them on yourself to become santa, krusty the clown, etc. BUT THAT IS THE ONLY EXCEPTION TO THE BUBBLE RULE

2) Absolutely NO candles. Candles cannot be around while you take your bath. period.

3) You must have an uncomfortable bathtub. for me, most of them are because I'm tall, but if you aren't taller than your bathtub then you need to find another way to make it uncomfortable.

4) The water must be as HOT as bearable. You must look like hellboy(without the horns of course) when you get out of the tub. It must hurt to move in the bathtub because the water is so hot.

5) If you play music while you lay/sit in the bathtub it cannot be a boyband or classical. rock/rap/hip-hop/metal only. NO exceptions.

6) You must have a reason to be sitting/laying in the tub and not standing in the shower. me, I just kicked my own ass at the rec center and my body was sore as hell, so I took an uncomfortably hot bath so that I lost feeling in most of my body so I didn't feel sore. Laziness is only a worthwhile answer once a year.

if I forgot or left out anything feel free to add it in the comments.

so tonight, dane, danny and I went down to dissmores to play the video game they have there... raiden 2. I want to beat this game so bad... it's my favorite arcade game that I've played. I just want to play more and more! it's a rolling screen fighter jet game... SO much fun, maybe I'll work this summer to buy one for the house.

I will beat it.

We went down there with: danny -2 bucks, dane -3 bucks, me -2.25

and we got to level 5, almost beat it(we were on the what I think is the 5th part of the boss) but then ran out of quarters.

I don't know if that is the last level or not. but sometime in the future when I have money to blow(not right now...

I will be victorious!

not at the moment, but within two weeks it should be up here and titled "christianity, to me"

anyways, this weekend was a pretty good one, april fools was ok, I had a test(not a fool) which I think went alright, considering the amount of studying I did for it. after that, not much happened until last night. last night I went to a party with some friends and that was a lot of fun, I have some awesome friends. some drama, but nothing that couldn't be worked out today. then today I went to mcdonalds for dippin' dots with katie(who is awesome, and gorgeous) which was fun, and dippin' dots are good, haven't had em in a while, so it was refreshing. I don't really know katie all that well right now(being this our first time hanging out) but I hope that I get to know her better, she seems great. Then came more nothingness, ooh, laundry, which I have procrastinated from for far too long(I wanted to do it like a week ago, and gathered it to do it last weekend)... so most of it is done, six loads, and the sixth is still drying, eventhough it is 4 in the morning. so all my clothes are folded on my bed and I'm blogging. course, this is one of my favorite things to do. listen to maroon 5 while folding my clothes onto my bed really late at night. I don't know why, but it has become a habit of probably once a month. pretty sweet actually. I love maroon 5, they kick. kick what? whatever you want(can you tell it's early and I'm kinda tired?)

anyways, class in 8 hours and clothes to put away. have a good night everyone.

so my favorite prank, although it backfired(sort of) was a few years back when I was heading off to school(northwood!) and levi was going to kentridge, so I told him about my plan to get my mom with an april fools joke. my plan... I put a rubber band around the hose off to the side of the sink, therefore whenever you turn on the faucet, it will spray your body. quality right? exactly. so I told levi about it, and showed him that it worked. we headed off to school. I came home and the rubber band was still there, no victims yet. Levi comes home, turns on the faucet, gets sprayed, beats me up for getting him wet... LAME. but hey, it worked, and I laughed. so the prank worked, but levi forgetting about it and whooping on me wasn't as cool.

tell me your favorite story. maybe chadd nervig sending cameron to the hospital for 3 months. awesome. he just inhaled those oreos filled with toothpaste.

oh, and if you don't read comments, I'm not gay, that was this years april fools day joke to everyone. gnite.

Levi, never call at 8:30 in the morning again... man that was early.

but it is now time to bring it up, or out, if you will.

I'm gay.

I like men, I'm attracted to them and I want to be with one.

so there THAT is.